Infidelity changes who you are forever. It robs you of your past, it makes your present excruciatingly unbearable, and it makes your future look hopeless. It strips you of your self esteem and your self worth. It leaves you naked, vulnerable, and alone. Infidelity is truly hell on Earth. Your mind is tormented every second of every day with the images and the movies that it conjures up. The only respite that you have is sleep and even then, there are times when you have dreams about it and wake up crying. You spend each day just trying to survive. Sometimes the pain is very intense. You feel lost. You feel unanchored. You feel alone. So many questions...so many secrets...so many lies... What is real? What is fake? If you think that what I have written is an overdramatization of infidelity, then you have a long way to go. You do not have an understanding of what you have done to your spouse. You have no empathy or compassion. You are still being selfish, and thinking only of yourself. If you truly are remorseful, then you will weep for what you have done to your spouse...the one that you promised to love, honor, and cherish.
You will put your own feelings aside and do whatever, and I mean whatever, it takes to try and make him or her whole again. Cheating is wrong. YOU were wrong. There is no way to explain what you did or justify what you did. It was wrong. It matters not what was happening in your marriage...it is irrelavent. Nothing, absolutely nothing justifies cheating...ever. You must help him or her. You must be gentle, caring and help him or her until he or she heals. He or She is in pain and may lash out at you, but you must remember...you and you alone did this. You have the power to help heal your spouse. You have the power to have the best marriage that you ever dreamed of. You have the power within yourself.
Will you use this power? Do you want to know how? Your spouse has offered you a gift...the gift of reconcilliation. Are you willing to accept that gift? What you were searching for outside of your marriage cannot be found there. What you were searching for was right under your own nose in your own home. The time and energy you spent on someone else, should have been spent at home. Love grows where it is nourished and dies where it is not. What you found was a fantasy. It was not real. There is no happines to be found out there, only misery, pain and destruction of others. I want to tell you that there is hope for you and your spouse and your marriage. It is imperative that you tell your spouse the truth and the whole truth about whatever he or she asks. You are to hold nothing back. It is painful. It hurts like hell, but the TRUTH is the only way to heal.
You are not sparing him or her feelings by sparing the truth. You wound him or her more and increase the pain by keeping secrets. He or She will never heal without the truth. There can be no lies from this day forward. Healing does not begin until the truth has all come out. Healing includes regression as well as progression. Your spouse will be angry at you and he or she will show it. Please remember that you deserve that anger. You did this to him or her. A great therapist will tell you that it takes at least 2 years to heal from infidelity. Healing is a journey that you take with your spouse. There will be many bumps in the road, but together you can get past them.